In a very dangerous place

[cornerofmadness]

that's mostly numb. It's the numb that frightens me to be honest. Like I've cast off my last ties and am ready for free fall.

Spoke the an agent working with the bankruptcy lawyer...and to be honest I don't see an upside to this. If I don't try to get the debt reduced I owe well over 250 thousand just for medical school (yeah, I'm SO glad I did that) and it's in default. I'm not sure what all they can do to me besides garnish my wages.

In talking to the tax person with the lawyer I've learned what I suspected, i can't shield the loans I AM paying nor my credit cards. It's all or nothing. In fact I'm in 'trouble' for paying preferentially if I continue to pay them. The advice was STOP PAYING NOW. But here's the rub. VERY few cases have ever been won in reducing student loan debt (though something just changed that's promising but she couldn't say what) I could be paying this guy 4 grand to start with PLUS screwing over all the credit cards and loans I have now and LOSE. In fact it's likely I will lose. If i want a new car, the trustee has to approve it and the choice isn't mine. She says I'll be able to buy a house. See me not believing it. I'll get new credit cards, she says. Yeah, I've heard that before. And I did but they aren't good ones. Next time it'll be worse.

I guess I need to talk to the lawyer himself and ask him HOW is this any better than the default. Either way I'm going to owe something but in default at least I'm not screwing myself on what I am able to pay. The one positive thing was she didn't think (as I thought) that the last time I was sued they could legally assess 18% interest rate. This is NOT a credit card. if they could at least get that back to what it should be, things would be looking up.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

And I've not been wanting to talk about how sick I am. Nothing strains a friendship more than someone constantly complaining about it. (though when you're chronically sick it consumes your life, believe me). I think all this stress has kicked my fibromyalgia back into gear after nearly a decade. I hurt. Bad. All over. I think I have tendonitis in my hip now since I can't flex it or cross my legs. It's of course on the opposite side of my bad knee and today the stress of trying to cope with the hip pain collapsed my knee. I can hardly walk. I feel so horribly old. Not helping matters is the sudden loss of my period and the pain over one ovary. Yes i go to see the ob/gyn next week and see if this is premature menopause and/or a massive cyst. Then there's something inside my abdomin that feels like it's moving whenever I do, like I have a band around me. I have no idea what that is. This is new that started this weekend and is getting worse each day. It doesn't hurt but it's uncomfortable. ANd the sugar is just getting worse, the more we do the worse it gets. Oddly if I eat carbs (you know the things diabetics shouldn't eat) that are WHEAT based my sugar drops. I have no idea.

And I'm not sad or angry about any of it. I'm just sitting quietly. That's the part that frightens me. it feels like I'm done and I'm just waitng for the end.

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

You're sitting quietly because you're numb. I've been there. Granted, I wasn't sick, but I was certainly on the weird side of nature for me.

I'd say see the attorney, see what he says. If he says it's not going to do much good, I'd take the $4000 and offer it to the student loan people and say, "Look, I was gonna file bankruptcy but I'd rather try to work out some sort of payment plan with you. Here's some money, let's try to do this without screwing both of us over."

Hang in there.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

the problem is they WONT work with me. One way or the other i go to court. I just need to know how best to do it

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Okay, how about asking the attorney if he'd be willing to yell at them for you? I mean, that is another thing they get paid for.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

i plan on that too. I could use advice on how to handle a default if i don't do bankruptcy and i don't know where to find help

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I don't know, either but I'd bet one of the credit counseling services might.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

so far...no

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

Hrnmmm