Fic - Sin No More

[cornerofmadness]

Sin No More
Author – cornerofmadness
Disclaimer – not mine, all rights belong to Ms. Minekura
Rating –Hard R
Pairing – Gonou/Kanan
Time Line – prior to the journey, set while Kanan was still alive
Summary – Sometimes the guilt almost overpowers the love
Prompt - Saiyuki: Hakkai/Kanan, incest, "Go thou and sin no more"
Warning - incest
Word Count - 1161
Author’s Note – written for springkink I did shift Hakkai’s name back to his birth name for this. Not sure if this is what the requester had in mind but the story flooded my mind the moment I saw the prompt. Thanks to evil_little_dog for the run through. Also, I selected an older Act of Contrition for this. It’s the one I grew up using and I like it a little better than the newer ones (moot point in my case but still)

XXX


Gonou knew all too well what brought him to this church two towns away from where he lived. He couldn’t say that he honestly believed in God but he and Kanan had been raised by orphanages from such a young age. Most of his life had been spent under the watchful eyes of nuns who were quick with a sharp tongue and yet pushed him into learning so much there had been days he thought his brain would explode. Yet the knowledge often led him into trouble the nuns would punish him for.

The hard pew under him made his butt numb, a dull ache oozing up his spine as he waited his turn. A few others sat in the pews, eyes firmly kept to the forefront as if they might spontaneously combust if they looked away from the cross to see who else might need to confess. Gonou knew he was no better. He was so deeply ashamed that he had fallen into a childhood ritual that he didn’t believe in but at least had offered a measure of solace; no, so ashamed that he couldn’t attend a church in his own town for fear that the priest would break his vows.

His flesh tingled as he thought about the sins that brought him here. He knew the things he did were wrong but he didn’t know how to stop. Hell, Gonou knew he didn’t even want to. If he shut his eyes, pretending to pray, he could see her long dark hair sweeping down over her pale, bared breasts. Shell pink nipples played peek-a-boo with the walnut locks. He could taste them, feel the hardening of those pearls of flesh under his lips. His sister’s breasts, forbidden fruit and oh, so delicious.

Shifting on the wooden pew, Gonou tried not to think of Kanan. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in a church. These were so many reasons what they did was wrong but when Kanan had first stroked his cheek, kissing him tenderly, those reasons died a quick death. Gonou had tried to be strong at first until need and love overwhelmed him.

Multi-colored light striped his face as he gazed at the stained glass. As a child, the scenes they depicted both intrigued him with their intricate beauty and frightened him with their suggested violence. As a man, he found himself wondering how all the trappings of the church started. Partly for beauty, partly for comfort and partly for stern lessons, keeping the parishioners just a tiny bit afraid of God was what he concluded.

Not afraid enough, he thought as images of the first time Kanan’s touch had drifted down to his hard flesh, stroking it. He had spilled almost immediately then. Gonou trained his eyes on the offering candles in their cast iron rack, letting the flames lull the wicked thoughts he didn’t truly regret from his mind.

“You’re next,” a nun murmured, stopping next to him briefly before she gave him his space to move.

Gonou went and tucked himself into the confessional. As a child the tight room with the only light coming from a heavily meshed tiny window frightened him. Gonou situated himself on the kneeler, trying to squeeze out thoughts of Kanan’s hot breath against his skin as she licked a path down his belly. How would he be able to put this into words?

The window between his confessional and the priest’s slid open, sounding impossibly loud. “You may begin, my son,” the priest invited behind the mesh that would keep him from seeing Gonou clearly.

Taking in a deep breath, hearing it shake, Gonou dredged up the prayer he had to memorize as a child. “O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you.”

But I’m not. I’ll leave here and do it again because I love her and it feels so right.

“And I detest all my sins, because of Your just punishments,” Gonou faltered, shutting his eyes against the image of Kanan’s red lips wrapped around his cock, the way she sucked at him; her tongue teasing him until he was helpless, pumping his hips, eager for release.

“But most of all because they offend You, my God, who are all-good and deserving of all my love.” Gonou didn’t have to think about Kanan now, which is good given how excited just thinking about her had gotten him, even here. God, deserving of his love? He didn’t know why. Where was God when his parents died? When he and Kanan were sent to separate orphanages? Maybe if they had had a normal life, he wouldn’t be here right now, loving a sister he sometimes thought he barely knew. It was as if they were strangers, meeting and falling in love instead of being siblings. They wouldn’t be living in a town far from where they grew up just so they wouldn’t accidentally run into anyone who knew them and here he was in a church even further out just in case.

“I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.” But he would sin more. Gonou was already thinking about what he and Kanan would do tonight. In his mind’s eye, he saw her pale flesh wet with scented waters from the bath. They would come together there on the floor. He could almost feel her tight, warm body sheathing him as he pounded into her. He could see the jiggle of her breasts, feel his balls slapping against her until he spilled into a prophylactic. They were careful that way but wasn’t that a sin, too?

“Tell me your sins, my son.”

Did the priest really want to know? Did this priest ever despair of his job, hearing week after week the same people committing the same sins time and again? Did he ever wonder if humans and youkai alike were doomed?

Like a coward, Gonou found himself telling of little fibs, the one curse word he had been angry enough to think to himself after catching a student cheating. Even here, so far away he couldn’t bring himself to tell the priest he had committed incest and had every intention of continuing to commit it. He finished up with admitting he was having sexual relations even though he was unmarried.

Gonou imagined the look of distaste on the priest’s hidden face because he could hear it in the man’s voice when he said, “Say ten hail Mary’s and try to be strong.” What would the man have said if Gonou had told the truth? “Yes, Father,” he murmured, knowing he wouldn't be strong.

“Go thou and sin no more.”

Gonou stumbled out of the confessional, not even looking back at the altar and the cross as he left. This was a waste of time. He was a sinner and he loved it too much to change.