BAD day

[cornerofmadness]

Seriously. I had hoped to update with some good news and all. Instead, woke up around 4Am with a massive panic attack. I'd give anything to know how your brain can do this when it's asleep. So that set the tone for the whole day then the roofers came at dawn, MUCH earlier than yesterday and I was totally unprepared for that.

Then the weather bounced from 24 to 75. That shot my joints and sinuses but that didn't bother me much as the huge pit of despair that I toppled into today. Really, looking at the calender I know this is PMS related (and for that matter so are my sugars. I so desparately need to see an endrocrinologist and see what if anything can be done). Of course knowing the cause does not negate the effects.

I gave the test and screwed up one question that I'll have to toss (forgot the correct the one wrong word in it) that aside, my class did SO much worse than Karl's its embarrassing and has me second guessing. (one of my older students knew I was upset and asked me what was wrong. Well it's not ALL you guys but you ain't helping). Now, I expect Karl to do better in the teaching department, he's been at it for a long time but I expected to do better than a full 10% worse than the other class. So that made the depression that much worse.

I get home and the guy who owns the house hands me the electric bill. I about fucking fainted. HOW can this house when I'm not even home half the time a) cost three times more than his home next door and b) cost MORE than two people living in FL with FANS running 24/7? It's insane. Either he has the most ineffiecent hot water heater, furance and dryer in this house or something's seriously wrong.

So I'm sitting here, looking at what I make, what my future is and looking at those student loans and seriously havng to write out reasons for not sinking to the bottom of the pool outside and staying there. It gets harder to list those reasons as days go by.

Comments

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

All I can do is give you {{hugs}}. I know it's not much. Oh, except, "Hey, I have totally been there."

Which is why now I'm not.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

LIke I said, once the chemicals in the brain settle, well things won't be fine, I'll still be sued by the government for that loan money but I won't mind so much (I make under 500$ a month I don't know what they think I have to give them. Welfate people get more...in fact there's a thought)

But I am busy reading your scripts tonight so that gives me something to do knowing I'm not gonna sleep. Oh and I loved COnnor decompensating in his bedroom freakingout his parents

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I can do something to get your mind off things! ; )

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I was surprised to see Orlon Window getting plugged else where tonight.

Of course I should have forgone the sugar check tonight because seeing that only made things worse. I'd love to know how mental state can send it through the roof like that.

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

Seeing an Orlon Window rec made your blood sugar level go up?

*confused*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

No the stress of this day. Sorry. Orlon Window was a separate thought which didn't come across as well as it should. Oh yeah, forgot to mention I liked the intro of Faith and Aiden...reminds me of Kolchak

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

I never saw Kolchak how is it like Kolchak?

crimsonsenya convinced me I should post to a_better_lie. Since the series officially "premiered" tonight, it needed advertising. So I made her do the post.

Then I spent the rest of the day hiding behind my word processor.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I suppose I ought to join the community. Let's see how many people you get having a looksee.

You didn't see the Night Stalker? I loved that as a kid. Seen it recently on Sci-Fi and god it's bad. That's NOT why Aiden reminded me of Kolchak. Kolchak (and I guess more recently Chloe on Smallville) was an investigative reported doing the supernatural beat, trying to get people to take his reports seriously. Pretty much any reporter looking to do stories on the supernatural remind me of Kolchak, a side effect no doubt of grouping up with Night Stalker (lots of things remind me of Dark Shadows too, oh the things I watched as a kid)

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

I saw a few episodes of Dark Shadows. After a while it got tedious.

I could never figure out what Kolchak: the Night Stalker was about from the ads, so I never tuned in. I don't have cable anymore, but I have netflix. Except I guess Night Stalker's not on DVD yet.

I suppose this might be good, not having seen this, as I won't make Aiden too much like Kolchak. Of course, then again I *might* do that without knowing it. As I write The Destroyer, I worry about perpetuating some overdone Connor fanfic cliche without realizing it, since I read so little fanfic.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Yes well when you're 4 Dark Shadows was cool. I even had the game... I dont' remember a damn thing about except I kept all the glow in the dark skeletons out of the game and put them in bed with me. I was always a twisted child.

That was what Kolchak was, a supernatural investigative reporter obnoxious. We can hope Aiden won't be THAT bad but I did like it as bad as it was (okay it didn't seem bad then but it was the 70's).

I don't really see any fanfic cliches but then again I dont' read that much either. You're avoiding Mary Sueism so that's good. It's a script which is different enough in and of itself. So far I haven't seem too much Connor fic based directly off Not Fade Away and a lot of future fic tends to be slash (except for mine and...well again I'm trying to think of who else I know who does it and doesn't do slash)

[masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com]

Not a slasher to begin with, plus I'm trying to stick close to/extrapolate from canon.

I veer a tad bit into Mary Sueism sometimes, just because I love to see Connor kick butt.

But I try to compensate with angst, because you have to give the people what they want.

I'm headed to bed. Take care of yourself. Hope your day is better tomorrow!

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

yeah I need to be in bed too. Almost done with a scene in Hyperion's Son...

Well yes, watching Connor kick butt is good and he doesn't do it easily so that's good and not MS.

Yeah, not a slasher either and I like the sticking close to canon

[southernbangel.livejournal.com]

I wish I could do something for you. All I've got are hugs. Which are totally not helpful, I know.

{{{COM}}}

I hope everything gets better for you soon, darlin'.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Generally speaking I know they wont since there's no real way of changing the real problems but if my brain stops trying to kill me I'll be happy enough once this week is out the hormones will swing the other way and things will be better.

[rivin142.livejournal.com]

[frown] Okay, so... at least we've learned a lesson. Going to a random teaching job in the middle of nowhere might sound cool, but is really a nightmare waiting to happen. Especially if you're COM.

People are fond of saying "at least it can't get worse." But in my experience, it will two minutes after saying such things.

Chin up, whip your students (telling them they're being left in the dust by another class might kick them into action, i've had teachers use that before), and ... umm... maybe now's the time to become a for-hire dominatrix. Even if only by phone. :)

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

It HAS worked, telling my class there's problems but we let the OTHER class do it. I.e. if you don't shape up WE'LL beat the snot out of you and Dana won't have to. To be honest this isn't such a bad job. It's introducing me SLOWLY to teaching. Imagine if I had stepped into a job with 3-5 classes to teach. I would have been slaughtered.

And when you're me, you never ask can there be more down. You know the answer.

*huggles*

[vampedvixen.livejournal.com]

Aren't you the one who keeps complaining about weird noises in your house? I tell you, you've got squatters in your attic. They come down and use up all your electricity when you're gone. If not them, then my money's on those damn lady bugs. They come in and watch Animal Planet while you're gone.

Re: *huggles*

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

I'm beginning to think I have a house elf who does just that...well he watches NBC since that's my only channel but I bet he does it

[bashipforever.livejournal.com]

*sends good thoughts your way* And no sinking to the bottom of the pool, we'd miss you!

And the electric bill, yeah mine is freaking outrageous and I have no damn idea why. Bad insulation maybe? Who knows. Can you tell if there's a lot of cold air coming in around windows and stuff like that? If the furance is constantly having to to run to keep it warm that could spike up the bill I'd think. You might have the landlord take a look at it and see what he comes up with.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

So far it was more of a well mine's only 20$ so it must be something you're doing. Yeah, like looking to move into town.

Feeling a little better today but not by much