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cornerofmadnessSeriously. I had hoped to update with some good news and all. Instead, woke up around 4Am with a massive panic attack. I'd give anything to know how your brain can do this when it's asleep. So that set the tone for the whole day then the roofers came at dawn, MUCH earlier than yesterday and I was totally unprepared for that.
Then the weather bounced from 24 to 75. That shot my joints and sinuses but that didn't bother me much as the huge pit of despair that I toppled into today. Really, looking at the calender I know this is PMS related (and for that matter so are my sugars. I so desparately need to see an endrocrinologist and see what if anything can be done). Of course knowing the cause does not negate the effects.
I gave the test and screwed up one question that I'll have to toss (forgot the correct the one wrong word in it) that aside, my class did SO much worse than Karl's its embarrassing and has me second guessing. (one of my older students knew I was upset and asked me what was wrong. Well it's not ALL you guys but you ain't helping). Now, I expect Karl to do better in the teaching department, he's been at it for a long time but I expected to do better than a full 10% worse than the other class. So that made the depression that much worse.
I get home and the guy who owns the house hands me the electric bill. I about fucking fainted. HOW can this house when I'm not even home half the time a) cost three times more than his home next door and b) cost MORE than two people living in FL with FANS running 24/7? It's insane. Either he has the most ineffiecent hot water heater, furance and dryer in this house or something's seriously wrong.
So I'm sitting here, looking at what I make, what my future is and looking at those student loans and seriously havng to write out reasons for not sinking to the bottom of the pool outside and staying there. It gets harder to list those reasons as days go by.
Then the weather bounced from 24 to 75. That shot my joints and sinuses but that didn't bother me much as the huge pit of despair that I toppled into today. Really, looking at the calender I know this is PMS related (and for that matter so are my sugars. I so desparately need to see an endrocrinologist and see what if anything can be done). Of course knowing the cause does not negate the effects.
I gave the test and screwed up one question that I'll have to toss (forgot the correct the one wrong word in it) that aside, my class did SO much worse than Karl's its embarrassing and has me second guessing. (one of my older students knew I was upset and asked me what was wrong. Well it's not ALL you guys but you ain't helping). Now, I expect Karl to do better in the teaching department, he's been at it for a long time but I expected to do better than a full 10% worse than the other class. So that made the depression that much worse.
I get home and the guy who owns the house hands me the electric bill. I about fucking fainted. HOW can this house when I'm not even home half the time a) cost three times more than his home next door and b) cost MORE than two people living in FL with FANS running 24/7? It's insane. Either he has the most ineffiecent hot water heater, furance and dryer in this house or something's seriously wrong.
So I'm sitting here, looking at what I make, what my future is and looking at those student loans and seriously havng to write out reasons for not sinking to the bottom of the pool outside and staying there. It gets harder to list those reasons as days go by.
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