cornerofmadness | Entries tagged with life

I've been expecting it really with this student loan boogieman raising its ugly head again (and it doesn't help that lovely time of the month is late...let's just hope it holds off until sunday now.)

It's got the ball bouncing around in my head again, all those phantoms that came with the injury screeching. the dreaded 'if only's'. If only I hadn't been hurt, if only i got to keep all 120K that I made a year instead of the firm I worked for only giving me 40K, if only I hadn't had to incur even more loans, if they had given me more than 3 grand for a lifetime disability, if only the lawyers now would help. See my life would have been perfect without all of the 'if only's'. No, of course it wouldn't have been but it would undeniably have been better.

I promised that since my 30's were filled with so much pain that I wouldn't let my 40's get dragged down too. this is not an auspicious start, back to thinking why bother at all. Thinking more and more about looking for another therapist down here. Problem is, i can't take most anti-depressants and really, i'm not too sure what talking is supposed to do. I don't feel much better for having written this. Hell I'd probably feel better listening to you all than I would to someone i'm paying 100$/hr.

well i'd better get back to making tests. Turns out the Dublin Irish Festival is this weekend and NOT next weekend like I thought it was. Sigh. it was 97 today. It's probably too hot for me to withstand it but to the Ohioans on the list if you'll be in Dublin this weekend, drop me an email and I'll give you my cell phone #. Maybe we can hook up for some good music and beer.

Current Mood: depressed

i woke up exhausted. I'm sure knowing that talking to student loan companies today was going to take it right out of me has caused these restless nights.

But before i tackled those idiots I decided, let me go do laundry. Now I always sit in the library which shares a parking lot with the laundromat, while my clothes wash, trusting i won't get ripped off. It's worth losing some clothes to keep away from the freaks at the laundromat. What is it about them that attracts the moon units?

Today all seems well. Clothes go in. I go to the library and confirm my Harry Potter list placement means I'll see it in Decemeber, find the new mystery I wanted and select test questions for monday. I go back to the mat to put the clothes in the dryer. There's a woman there folding her clothes and a man, late 40's early 50's, leaning on the table next to my washers, talking to her. At first I assume that they know each other but quickly realize no, he's trying to save her soul.

So i figure hurry up before he decides I need saving. I open washer #1 and something happened that's never happened before. it didn't spin dry. ARGH. Of course. Now I have to hand wring them all out. This will take forever. I've now been spotted by the man who grabs his clothes and scoots behind me saying 'if i brush up against you, it don't mean nothing (all said in a very KY accent), i just need to get around you....then again it does mean something. I'm single. I've been single a LONG time (you don't say, color me surprised). Are you single too? (well yes but I have a strict no-fucking prophets rule so sorry buddy). I grunt something at him and wring faster.

This avails me not. He starts asking me if I've had a supernatural intervention (well not the kind you mean) and that he is god's prophet and he can help me. Fuck wringing, I'll just shove in extra quarters in the dryer and put it on hot. Drag clothes out of all three dryers, make half-human noises at the man and his questions. The other woman sees her chance and flees. I have to load the washers. I finally escape back to the library.

I even wait extra long past the due time before I return to mat for my clothes. There he is, standing outside smoking (apparently Angels who come to tell us what to do haven't spoken to him about this vice). He asked me 'you over around the corner with a man' (why yes, I hook in the alley thank you), 'no, sir. I was at the library' 'now, i know the type, you were with some woman's man' (i'd tell you I'm gay but i'm alone with you and you might kill me) (no sir, i was at the library working). I escaped into the building but he follows me in naturally. And as I fold clothes into the bushel he asks what was i working on. A test. For what. I teach biology (maybe intelligence will scare him off like it has so many men I talk to). Biology? I don't know nothing about that except that it says bisexuality is biologic and I don't want nothing to do with that (bisexual? Well that's a curious choice for a rant, but all right). Fuck folding, i own an iron. I just stuffed them into the bushel and fled with him telling me we don't need college, just go to the library and learn it ourselves. He follows me out to the car, still babbling how he wants me to vote for him for president (why not, you're nuts enough). I hope he's not there EVERY friday.

Get home to look at my student loan stuff. They have NO contact phone number, just an adddress where they want everyt hing sent. They want TWO private lending institutions statements of what a loan will cover me. They actually think I'm going to go get a private loan to cover THEM. (You know the interest rate might be lower, wonder if i could get that loan). they also expect payment in full by this time next month and want a written letter of explanation why i can't write them a check for 80 grand. Because I don't have EIGHT grand in my account let alone 80. Hey, want a supernatural intervention? I know a guy...

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: semi-homemade cooking

I had a restless night. Weird dreams. Not nightmares but weird. I've been having weird ones all week. One was with my good friend S coming to my door dressed in a wedding gown with another of my friends also in a wedding gown with their men behind them. They had come to collect me for our triple wedding. Then there was the one where I was at a convention for 80's SF with

silvrethorn

evil_little_dog

wildrider and

rahirah and we were pissed we couldn't find the panels we wanted. But the really weird one was I was taking a class from Dr. H (a co-worker) about Hado healing (based on vibrations) and I had missed two weeks worth of class somehow and he was mad at me. (keeping in my probably the only one who knows about hado is me from Dr. Emoto's writings).

Then after bleeding into tubes today (is it bad when the phlebotomist asks you are you on blood thinners? You're bleeding too fast) I go to work. Dr. H from the dream is actually thinning out his work load (he's close to retirement within a few years) and they wanted to know if I wanted one or more of his classes. YES. Say hello to the new parasitology prof. It's sort of a shame i don't like this area since i really do like the staff. Sigh.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: The Blue Danube - Strauss

making exam number one, and writing mostly today. Tonight, more gardening.

Yesterday they made us professors come to orientation for the HUGE number of students (i.e. 200) for advising. Well that's all and good but you know what would have made this better? A) test the students for placement on the day before advising so we're not there until 5 pm B) tell us how many students we can expect and which group you put them in. That way if we have 5 students and they're all testing after 1 pm then NO ONE has be here from 8 am on. I pulled second shift. For this i had to be there from 1-5 for TWO students. TWO. They had three biology profs, one chem and two math for TWO students (both biology) what a waste of a day. Efficency...is it so hard?

Because of this I missed going to the bank (Had to replace the card I lost) and then go to wal-mart to look for the one loan tomato cage that I'm missing. Well the bank makes you reapply for a card from scratch...this is moronic but whatever. And Wal-mart and the Shoe carousel...oh i shouldn't have gone. Bought more plants. Bought planters. Bought shoes. Stop me. I HATE shoes mind you. But I need to go back. Wally World has the black leather Dr Scholls I want for class (i didn't have any socks to try them on) and the earth shoe thongs i needed (love earth shoes, so comfy) and Shoe Carousel had these clogs...they are so cute. And even though they are HUGE they're almost level which means high heeled yes but they dont' act like them, they don't cock your ankles. Between them and the Rocketdogs I bought last week, i have cute shoes. I might even take a picture.

I also have a new bedspread up. I should take a picture of that too. I plan on getting a whole new bed, a real bed with headboards and stuff.

Writing wise, things are going good fan fic wise. Hyperion's Son's next chapter is done long hand. Now to type it. 30 Kisses smut, almost done, Royai angst, halfway done, two young Goku stories, in editing, chapter of Strands of Nightmare, done but needs typing, original fic, let's not go there.

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: something classical

My student loans are back to threatening me. So, in order to ignore that very very unpleasant thing, here's so beautiful flowers and some accomplishments.

#1 - survived my first hour lab

#2 - finished one of my two contest fic. Go me.

#3 - by popular demand here's that name of the herbal book I was talking about The Essential Herb-Drug-Vitamin Interaction Guide by George Grossberg M.D. & Barry Fox and it talks about a lot of things like mixing birth control pills and St. John's WOrt (a MAO inhibitor like a lot of RX anti-depressents) can kill you. Being an MAO inhibitor I always thought SJW should be removed from the market. Speaking of which I thought this liver poison HAD been after all those people needed liver transplants but apparently not. Do not mix kava kava and cholesterol drugs or you can kiss your liver bye-bye

now flower pic spam (and no I don't have my flowers back from the greenhouse yet)
badly framed ever-blooming begonia

bright yellow ever-blooming begonia

teeny weeny yellow polka dot…lily

my favorite of mom’s lilies

lemony

touch me and I will STAIN you bad

click on me if you click on no other

and me to see how overrun Dana’s garden was when she got back

first you leave me then you accidentally hose me. DIE!

Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: The Valle Guilia Fountain at Day Break - Respighi

are a very good thing. I really have nothing much to say mind you. I should start putting original fic progress monitors up like

canary_noir is doing.

so today I'm reading a yaoi manga and here comes my aunt behind me to see what's going on. There is ONE sex scene in this thing, 100 pages and she choses to sneak up behind me on the one boy on boy scene. Want to see me flip fast. Sheesh!

see told you this is a pointless post. Go margarita.

Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Roam - B 52's

well i figured if i have the sewing machine out i should make not only those two kimono shirts but another renn dress since mine is out of the wrong fabric, torn and stained anyhow! (save that one for halloween parties where i know booze will be spilled on me).

As for the kimono shirts, the good news is, the pattern might be too small BUT it did have my size requirements on the back so I DO have enough material and I can easily upsize the pattern to fit me by adding an inch all around. Oddly enough there's MORE than enough material, like by a yard. Glares at pattern. Either that or the Wal-Mart fabric woman screwed up, more like 'we're getting rid of the craft store, give the damn material away' (I'll scan the remnants for my crafty friends and see if you want them for something).

Well mom THOUGHT she had the pattern for my current renn dress and we could easily just go buy the material. Well she has it for the OLD dress, a pattern i got from some SCA source, authentic as you're going to get and a NIGHTMARE to make. And I was a size 10 at the time. There is no way in hell i can upsize that to a 24. sigh. So I can get a new Mcalls or some such and look good but not too authentic or try for authentic. However, google searchs have turned up crap. (mcall patterns on ebay). Any thoughts?

Current Mood: busy

Thanks to those of you who wished me a happy birthday and a special thank you to:

druinsanity for the virutal birthday cupcake. that was so cute

nebroadwe for the great
Roy ficlet, go read everyone

evil_little_dog for her angsty story Sun Goes Down go see what happens to poor Ed this time

Thanks all.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Space Age Love Song - Flock of Seagulls

Dad looks into the room, 'go put on your tennis shoes, i need help' (they're remodeling the kitchen) I go and what he wants is to move all these 6 foot glass panels from the old French doors that for some reason he and his brother put in the woods to save for god knows what. Now that they have to go with all the kitchen debris to the dump and are paying for it, he wants them gone.

My task? To walk behind the cart and make sure they don't go ass over tea kettle out the back. This would have been good information to have when he said 'put on shoes' I'm out in the woods, standing in the brier patch in shorts and NO gloves (i notice he has work gloves) moving these panels. He gets on the Kubota and says, 'if they tip, run like hell or you could get really hurt.' No shit. If those broke i could sever an artery or something. I'd like to know why I didn't get to drive the tractor and HE walk behind it holding up 8 glass panels.

Also, this is for

evil_little_dog and

mjules since i know they'll be amused. One of my aunt's daughter in laws was up the house last night and gave me something from the estate: a japanese paper fan.

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: She's Mine - Brett Dennan