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I forgot to eat
Apr. 8th, 2023 10:05 pmAll the way til 3 pm. I wasn't hungry. I realized I had to eat because my sugar would get messed up. I still wasn't hungry. It's probably waiting for midnight.
I did go back up to Jackson to exercise and found out it was closed yesterday and easter monday so I don't have to race up then either. Hmm. I tend to forget the Y is Christian based. Never even thought about it being closed for Good Friday.
I'm recording the last The Owl House because I'm not sure I'm in the head space to watch it tonight. We'll see.
So yesterday I mentioned ancient Buffyverse fanfic. If nothing else![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
wipbigbang (which I believe might still be open on LJ and in fact I think you don't need DW/LJ if you only have a tumblr or something.
Anyhow, I have been using it for a few years now to go back and finish the plethora of abandoned Buffy stories I have. I think by the time I rolled around to Fullmetal Alchemist I had left so many unfinished Buffy stories that I was slow to post anything unfinished and Prodigal Son saw me ONLY posting one wip at a time, ones I knew I was going to finish. I doubt I'd put up any unfinished The OWl House stories even if I do put up chaptered stories one chapter a week (granted in this fandom I know no one and am unlikely to really so wouldn't be disappointing anyone if they have to wait).
I had one I thought I wanted to do that I found a Dawn/Connor story that I literally have no memory of even starting. It was for some ficathon because there were so damn MANY of them back then. And then it was gone from my files. That's when I realized that somehow it wasn't on the desk top computer, only the flash drive/lap top which were both long gone. Ditto that Hyperion's Son one that I've complained about before.
Well I knew that I had printed it off a certain computer so I went to that one (it's not one I own, we can leave it at that) and it WAS there so I got that story back. I am thrilled. What else was there was a story called Fumbling Toward Ecstasy and it was a Faith/Connor/Spike story that was a sequel to Finding Faith (which I'm fairly sure I lost years ago in a computer/floppy disc crash) Neither of those stories were on FFN due to the sexual nature and all the geocity websites are long gone.
I remember being happy with Finding Faith as it took a 'true haunt' mansion in Cleveland (that I used to drive by often) and pair it with a truly creepy German monster from folklore. I am sad I don't have that. I remembered wanting Fumbling because a) it was the sequel b) it wasn't done I didn't think c) all I could find was a small part of it. The Wayback Machine wasn't a help.
Guess what it was ON that computer. I have no idea how. I have literally NO recollection of ever finding it. I am wondering...did I finish writing that story on that computer's precedessor and it was carried over because as much as I hate to say it I've been here since 2006 and I was active in Buffydom then. So I started reading it and....I HATE it.
I'm like man, I'm glad this isn't available anywhere (at least I don't think it is) I know I wrote this as part of yet another ficathon and I think it was a dark one and for something called the sandwich ficathon (threesomes and I only know that because it's in the author's notes). I'm not sure it's done since I haven't read it thru (it's over 100 pages). It's rather violent but that's not my issue. I'm finding it mean spirited. Faith is pretty much a dub-con predator in it and I can't even fathom what I was thinking then.
BUT that's the issue isn't it? I'm not the woman I was in 2006. It's one of the reasons it's taking me so long to get my Buffy stories onto AO3 because I'm a) a better writer now b) a different person c) things that were not an issue 20 years ago (but maybe should have been) are now.
I don't know if I'll ever go back and fix my issues with this story (one being there is just SO much sex and not nice sex either but that's an easy fix. Delete is a thing) but I do know I won't put it up as is.
But I'm still shocked that I HAVE this thing because I remember searching for it. I just don't remember finding it. huh
I did go back up to Jackson to exercise and found out it was closed yesterday and easter monday so I don't have to race up then either. Hmm. I tend to forget the Y is Christian based. Never even thought about it being closed for Good Friday.
I'm recording the last The Owl House because I'm not sure I'm in the head space to watch it tonight. We'll see.
So yesterday I mentioned ancient Buffyverse fanfic. If nothing else
wipbigbang (which I believe might still be open on LJ and in fact I think you don't need DW/LJ if you only have a tumblr or something. Anyhow, I have been using it for a few years now to go back and finish the plethora of abandoned Buffy stories I have. I think by the time I rolled around to Fullmetal Alchemist I had left so many unfinished Buffy stories that I was slow to post anything unfinished and Prodigal Son saw me ONLY posting one wip at a time, ones I knew I was going to finish. I doubt I'd put up any unfinished The OWl House stories even if I do put up chaptered stories one chapter a week (granted in this fandom I know no one and am unlikely to really so wouldn't be disappointing anyone if they have to wait).
I had one I thought I wanted to do that I found a Dawn/Connor story that I literally have no memory of even starting. It was for some ficathon because there were so damn MANY of them back then. And then it was gone from my files. That's when I realized that somehow it wasn't on the desk top computer, only the flash drive/lap top which were both long gone. Ditto that Hyperion's Son one that I've complained about before.
Well I knew that I had printed it off a certain computer so I went to that one (it's not one I own, we can leave it at that) and it WAS there so I got that story back. I am thrilled. What else was there was a story called Fumbling Toward Ecstasy and it was a Faith/Connor/Spike story that was a sequel to Finding Faith (which I'm fairly sure I lost years ago in a computer/floppy disc crash) Neither of those stories were on FFN due to the sexual nature and all the geocity websites are long gone.
I remember being happy with Finding Faith as it took a 'true haunt' mansion in Cleveland (that I used to drive by often) and pair it with a truly creepy German monster from folklore. I am sad I don't have that. I remembered wanting Fumbling because a) it was the sequel b) it wasn't done I didn't think c) all I could find was a small part of it. The Wayback Machine wasn't a help.
Guess what it was ON that computer. I have no idea how. I have literally NO recollection of ever finding it. I am wondering...did I finish writing that story on that computer's precedessor and it was carried over because as much as I hate to say it I've been here since 2006 and I was active in Buffydom then. So I started reading it and....I HATE it.
I'm like man, I'm glad this isn't available anywhere (at least I don't think it is) I know I wrote this as part of yet another ficathon and I think it was a dark one and for something called the sandwich ficathon (threesomes and I only know that because it's in the author's notes). I'm not sure it's done since I haven't read it thru (it's over 100 pages). It's rather violent but that's not my issue. I'm finding it mean spirited. Faith is pretty much a dub-con predator in it and I can't even fathom what I was thinking then.
BUT that's the issue isn't it? I'm not the woman I was in 2006. It's one of the reasons it's taking me so long to get my Buffy stories onto AO3 because I'm a) a better writer now b) a different person c) things that were not an issue 20 years ago (but maybe should have been) are now.
I don't know if I'll ever go back and fix my issues with this story (one being there is just SO much sex and not nice sex either but that's an easy fix. Delete is a thing) but I do know I won't put it up as is.
But I'm still shocked that I HAVE this thing because I remember searching for it. I just don't remember finding it. huh
