Today was the worst

[cornerofmadness]

Nothing went right from the challenges of super high sugar, aging bladder and struggles to get to the side of the bed to mysterious claim update emails that I can't get into, to the failure to climb stairs to hurting my knee to the day long weep fest

I tried at the stairs. I got one badly then froze. I'm sorry. I froze and I couldn't move my foot. Literally froze. The therapist looked at me scornfully and said you better build a ramp and took me away. No second try. Then she made me walk. I did okay then something popped on the good side of that knee. I screamed and nearly fell. It's still killing me.

The OT took me to the therapy room and tried to get me into the shower. I froze again. Why are you having a panic attack? Oh if I knew the answer to that I'd be a billionaire. That's wwhy they're called panic attacks. I DID do it but it took me some sobbing and fear. I'm working through it.

I struggled to stand and otherwise I've been made to feel worthless. The PA gave me meds.

I did get shit done at work. Now the students are panicking. And then MY class sends an email and it looks like I'm going to fail because I'm behind. I thought I had weeks to do this. I didn't realize I was that behind.

I did get a gift from mom and an unexpected gift from my BFF from med school, a t-shirt reading I survived knee surgery what's your super power. SHe thought it would be too big (xxL) but it's SO small I'm not even sure it would fit my dad (who asks are you trying your hardest? No dad I'm half assing it)

i'm so depressed I don't even care about Prodigal Son.

ETA - Best Pson in ages. I want to write all the shippy fic.

Comments

[enemytosleep]

Do they have a counselor or someone you can talk to while you try to navigate this ordeal? Because this is a severely traumatic event! I have been so impressed at how aware you have been of the situation and your struggles thus far. I don't think there is anything I can say that will be helpful, as much as I'd love to help you in this difficult recovery. I will continue to keep you in my intentions and hope that you find ways to battle the fears and the pain of each obstacle. Hang in there. ♥

[cornerofmadness]

I did talk to a counselor at the hospital she and the PA here think I need to go into therapy. I don't disagree.

Believe me I appreciate your support. Thank you

[badly_knitted]

*sending all the hugs* What a sucky day

[cornerofmadness]

thank you I appreciate it

Dana

[dauntless_heart]

I just want you to know I'm here. If I could, I'd come visit and HUG you in person. Fuck them all if they cannot understand what you're feeling the heartless bitches!! Breathe, breathe, breathe--you'll DO THIS.

Re: Dana

[cornerofmadness]

thank you so much. I appreciate it

[spikedluv]

JFC! I really can't believe it when I hear the things you're going through. You'd think the therapists would have more understanding of what you're going through. I hope you're feeling better today. *gentle hugs*

[cornerofmadness]

i know right? I think they're jaded

[the_siobhan]

That sounds awful. Their coordination of your care is just fucked.

I hope things improve for you, and quickly.

[cornerofmadness]

You are not wrong, thanks

[ysilme]

You're not getting any relief, are you? *careful but tight hugs* I'm so sorry to hear of all that's happening to you all the time, and things going worse than necessary; not to mention the pain and how crappy you must be feeling. Sending all the positive vibes and thoughts, and virtual furries to cuddle and have purring for you! ***hugs***

[cornerofmadness]

thank you so much. I can never get a break