Lordy Lordy, Look Who's Forty

[cornerofmadness]

Happy birthday to me! Oddly enough last night the emotions were pinging all over the place and in my last post I mentioned to trixiefatcat why I was so disappointed with not so much turning forty but in life in general, with no holding back of the vitriol. Then after ishte posted something to me, I was thinking, honestly my 30's sucked so why not be glad to see them in the rearview mirror. I need to start living again.

Seriously, my 30's were some strange zombie state. My 20's were spent earning my medical degree and working hard to start my practice. My 30's brought devestating injuries, financial ruin and finally a lifelong illness. The only highlights were getting to spend so much time with evil_little_dog, silvrethorn and sand_and_shadow and getting a job that I actually DONT hate in spite of my complaining about it. I worked myself to death. I didn't take vacations (well I am a workaholic)

So now, I've decided to change all that. I'm going on vacation. I'm looking for a new job (an application is in back here in PA). I'll find a way to exercise if it kills me. I'm going to work harder on publishing my stories (something I quit almost entirely) Maybe i'll even start dating again (another thing I mostly gave up) I want to look like my pictures from my 20's again. Oh maybe I'll never be that thin again and I'll never be that young but I want to be HAPPY. You can look at the photos from my 30's and just see i'm not happy. Dad even said that last night, 'relax you look stiff as a mannequin' when he was taking those pictures. (well i've never taken good ones)

I don't know how I'm going to affect all these changes but I will. Of course I'm off to a bad start. I sliced open my foot and I'm eating cookies i found in the freezer from Christmas for breakfast. Heck I don't even know where my family is. I woke up and I was alone.

But that's okay. TOnight I'll be in Vegas and I'm going to smile.

Comments

[kashicat.livejournal.com]

Happy birthday! And though I don't really know you, already from what I've read, I am certain you are going to accomplish a lot and really be glad, as you go through the 40s.

I know in my case, the 40s were the absolute best years. You've already paid a lot of dues, done a lot of learning, and the 40s become the time when it all comes together and everything links up.

I'm working at getting the writing thing going too, these days. If you ever want to share ideas, I'd be happy to.

But meanwhile -- have a very, very good birthday. I really think you will enjoy the 40s.

[cornerofmadness.livejournal.com]

thanks. I appreciate the thoughts adn i'll keep that in mind for the writing stuff!