Fic - Where the Lost Ones Go
May. 25th, 2008 09:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cornerofmadnessWhere the Lost Ones Go
A Boys Blue story #28
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cornerofmadness (and mjules)
Disclaimer – So not mine, all right belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, no profit made, just a lot of fun to be had
Rating – NC-17 not work safe
Pairing – Roy/Maes (mentions of Roy/Riza and Maes/Gracia)
Time Line –pre-series, manga based, this one is set after they leave Ishbal but before they’re reassigned.
Summary – Back in the civilian world, Roy is suffering post traumatic stress.
Prompt – #8 our own world
Author’s Note – written for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
30kisses project for prompt #8 our own world and was – inspired by these lyrics and for the wild card of 'hurt/comfort' for kink_bingo If you’d like to read the rest of the series, here you go All the Boys Blues Thanks to evil_little_dog for the beta
X X X
Leave and let me go
You're not meant for me, I know
Carry on, carry on, and I'll stay strong by Sissel & Espen Lind
Roy felt odd as he set his belongings down in his sister’s guest room. So much had changed in the many months since he had been here last that, when his brother-in-law had dropped the soldiers off, the cozy house didn’t feel like home. He wished his sister had been here to welcome them and not at the doctor’s office. Maybe Bryony would have done something to ease the tension.
He and Maes both looked at the bed, its lacey cover proving Bryony’s taste hadn’t changed. Roy could tell Maes was thinking the same thing: something was very different since the last time they had been here, a vast ocean of pain lapping between them. They weren’t naive cadets with nothing more than the freedom to have all the sex they wanted on their minds. Blood and sand had blasted away their innocence. Current girlfriends aside, he and Maes weren’t the same men who had slaked their limitless lust on this bed.
Maes glanced over at Roy. “You feel it, too.”
“That everything has changed.” He nodded slowly, sinking onto the bed. “We aren’t the same boys who were here a lifetime ago. They died in the desert.”
Maes put his big hand on Roy’s head. “Melodramatic to the end, my friend.”
“Am I wrong?” Roy’s eyes canted up.
“I want to say yes, you are but you’re not. It feels like a life time ago. We are very different men now,” Maes conceded.
Roy slipped his arms around Maes’ waist, resting his forehead against Maes’ belly. “Do you want to just go home? My sister will understand.”
The sudden pressure of Maes’ hand at the nape of his neck made Roy stand up. Maes leaned in and whispered, “Just try to get rid of me.” He nipped Roy’s earlobe. “I’ve changed but my feelings for you haven’t.”
“Why does it feel awkward then?” Roy buried his face in the crook of Maes’ neck.
“We haven’t been in a real house in months. We have lived like animals for so long.” Maes sighed, kissing Roy’s neck. “How do we go back to being human?”
“I’m very frightened by that, Maes.” Roy’s words were barely loud enough to be heard.
Maes ran a hand up Roy’s back. “We will become human again because we’re strong.”
Roy snorted, worming out of Maes’ grasp. He collapsed down on the bed, barely noticing Bryony had exchanged the squeaky box springs for a new set. “Not me, not anymore.”
Maes gazed at him. “You are. You made it out intact.”
“Have I?” Roy thought back to his suicide attempt. His gut twisted at the memory. “I’m not so sure.”
Maes captured Roy’s chin, bending down to kiss his friend. Roy could feel the strength in that kiss, trying to steal some for his own. “You’ll do fine. You have a new goal and if there’s anyone who can become Fuhrer and change this country, it’s you.”
Roy lay back on the bed, covering his eyes with an arm. “Not without you.”
“Well, I’m not going anywhere, buddy.” Maes sat on the bed next to Roy. Seeing the way Roy was a stretched out had hiked up the young man’s shirt, Maes tickled his fingers along the thin line of hair leading the way to pleasurable southern destinations. “Where would I be without my alchemy freak?”
Roy squirmed under him. “Quit tickling me!”
Swinging over Roy, Maes nipped Roy’s chin. “The one thing that hasn’t changed is I still want to screw your brains out.”
“Do you see me stopping you?” Roy lifted his hips against Maes’ and the larger man grinned. Just as Maes’ hoped, Mustang didn’t doubt, Roy’s melancholy was melting away.
Before Maes could do more than flex his hips back against Roy, the front door opened and shut. “Roy! Did you make it home?” Bryony’s voice bellowed up the stairs, all but knocking Maes off his perch.
“That’s my sister, always with the bad timing,” Roy grumbled, thankful he wasn’t hard yet.
“Better to hear her now than to have her walk in on us like last time,” Maes replied, rolling off the bed.
Roy snorted. “Once was enough, thanks.” He got up and headed downstairs. His whole attitude changed, seeing his sister, several months pregnant, standing at the base of the stairs. He brightened immensely. “Look at you, Bry!” Roy jogged down the stairs and gingerly hugged his sister. She wrapped her arms around him tight.
“I won’t break, Brother.” Bryony kissed his cheek. “I can’t believe you’re here. I was so afraid you were going to get killed out there in the desert.”
Roy swallowed hard, a wash of emotion swamping him as he let her go. “Me, too,” he murmured. “Don’t want to talk about that. Tell me about this.” He rested his hand on his sister’s bulging belly.
“You look beautiful, Bryony,” Maes added, giving her a hug.
She smiled at him. “Thank you. Why don’t we sit down and talk? Can I get you boys something?”
“We can fend for ourselves, Bry. You don’t have to wait on us,” Roy protested.
“I’m pregnant, Roy, not fragile.” Bryony laughed, taking her brother’s hand and dragging him into the flowery living room. He noticed the slate-topped cherry blossom end table he had bought for her was adorned with a beautiful crystal based lamp with a stained glass shade.
“Roy’s going to be a nervous uncle,” Maes said, following them.
“Naturally. My brother is a worry-wart,” Bryony replied, patting Roy’s back.
“You don’t have to tell me.” Maes snorted, chucking Roy’s shoulder. “He fretted over me in the desert like a mother hen. He even started equating me to stupid sidekicks in war movies, you know the ones who always get shot.”
“Five minutes and you two are already ganging up on me.” Roy sulked.
“That’s what family is for,” his sister assured him, squeezing his hand.
Roy grinned, happy to just be in the presence of family. He would have to tell his sister the things he had done in Ishbal but not yet. For now, let her still love him because she wouldn’t be able to once he confessed.
X X X
“You know, you could let Maes help.” Roy cast a longing glance toward the living room where Maes was stretched out on the couch, listening to a radio show while he, himself was in the kitchen rubbing seasoning into a chicken like a perverse massage.
“He’s a guest. You’re kin. You work,” Bryony replied, not looking up from the veggies she was chopping.
“This sucks,” Roy whined. At least the kitchen allowed him relief from the incessant femininity of his sister’s home. She had decorated it with cast iron trinkets.
“Just because I no longer have a lap doesn’t mean I can’t put you across it and paddle you like the brat you are,” Bryony teased, punctuating her words with a few chops of her long knife.
“Get that knife out of my fucking face,” Roy snarled in a voice so vicious Bryony’s face lost color.
“What?” She took a step back, not putting the knife on the cutting board.
“I said get the damn knife out of my face, bitch, or you’ll regret it,” Roy roared, his hand coming up, his bare fingers snapping loudly. Roy glanced at his hand, his face going slack. His whole body started shaking.
Bryony dropped the knife onto the cutting board. “Roy? Roy, what’s wrong?”
“What’s going on in here?” Maes frantically raced into the kitchen. He took one look at Roy, still staring at his hand.
“He suddenly freaked out about the vegetable chopper, then he snapped his fingers and went blank like that.” Bryony kept her distance from her brother, her arms crossed protectively over her belly.
“Killed her,” Roy mumbled, his teeth chattering so hard he was nearly impossible to understand. “I killed her.”
Maes took hold of Roy’s shoulders, shaking him gently. “No, you didn’t, buddy. Bryony is fine.”
Roy shook his head frantically. “Burned her.”
Maes folded Roy against his chest, dropping his chin down over Roy’s head protectively. “You aren’t wearing your gloves, Roy. You’re home now. No gloves, no one is hurt.”
Roy struggled viciously, breaking away from Maes. He banged out the kitchen door to the outside world and the loud sounds of him getting sick floated back to the house.
“Maes, what’s wrong?” Bryony’s voice trembled as she laid her fingers on Maes’ arm.
“Shell shock,” Maes replied grimly. “I don’t know how much you know about Roy’s alchemy, Bryony. He wears a static glove, it makes sparks. One snap of his fingers and he has enough flame to burn out a whole city block.” Maes’ head drooped, forcing him to shove his glasses up. “He’s killed hundreds, Bryony.”
Her face lost color even as her jaw set with resolve. She marched outside to where her brother was on all fours, hunched over her sidewalk border of marigolds. She tried to kneel and settled for plopping onto her padded backside. Bryony wrapped her arms tightly over his back. “I’m right here with you, Roy. You didn’t hurt me.”
“Could have,” he rasped, his voice raw from vomiting. “Killed thousands.” He leaned over and tried to vomit more, bringing up a thin stream of black-green-tinged mucus. “Murderer.”
“Soldier,” Bryony countered sharply. “And it doesn’t change that Maes and I love you, brother.”
“I killed my share, too…just not as splashily as you, Roy. I know it wasn’t easy for you. Death shouldn’t be easy,” Maes reached down, stroking Roy’s sweat-dampened hair. “That it makes you sick means you’re a decent human being.”
Roy chuckled grimly. “Could have killed my sister. How can I live with others when I go crazy over kitchen knives? At work I wear my gloves. What happens the next time something freaks me out?”
“You will get through this, Roy. How many Ishbalans tried to knife you? That first day we met back up in the desert, Hawkeye saved your ass from a knife attack. I can see why a knife would upset you,” Maes said placatingly.
“I’ll be confronted with knives more than once. I have to be able to withstand it. How?” Roy shook his head, then spat a little, trying to get the vomit taste out of his mouth.
“We’ll find a way,” Maes replied and Roy was glad he didn’t suggest a military psychiatrist, even if he might be thinking it. “You will heal.”
“Maes makes a lot of sense, dear heart.” Bryony rubbed Roy’s back. “Listen to him.”
“You wouldn’t call me that if you knew,” Roy grumbled.
“Nothing could make me not love you, brother.” Bryony’s voice was as soft as down. “You’re the hero of Ishbal to Amestris. I’m not a fool. I know that to the Ishbalans you’re no hero.”
“Butcher,” Roy sobbed, pulling away from her touch.
“Soldier,” she corrected again, not letting him escape. She pulled him tight against her. “And a well loved one.”
Roy wiped his face. “I can’t live without you and Maes. Riza, too, but she’s…” Roy started shaking.
“Don’t think about it, Roy,” Maes said, clamping a hand on Roy’s shoulder. “She’s recovering.”
“What happened to Riza?” Bryony looked sharply between the two men.
“She was hurt,” Maes replied when Roy couldn’t make himself speak.
Finally, Roy roused himself enough to take a good hard look at his sister. “You shouldn’t be sitting on the ground.”
“That doesn’t concern me.” She petted her large belly then smiled. “Getting up does.”
Maes reached down and helped her up. She gave his cheek a kiss. “Take care of my brother, Maes.”
“Always,” he promised. “Always.”
X X X
“Harder,” Roy groaned in a tone nearer to malice than lust. “Damn it, Maes.”
Maes pressed into his lover. Back pinned to the wall, Roy had his fingers fisted in the closed curtains, his legs locked over Maes’ back. “Not going to hurt you, Roy,” Maes gasped, knowing what Roy had been after all afternoon. He wanted rougher sex than Maes was willing to give. Roy just grunted at him as Maes thrust into him, refusing to give in to what Roy wanted; punishment for his perceived crimes.
Maes lifted Roy away from the wall. Little and skinny or not, Roy was getting heavy to hold and Maes didn’t want to explain to Bryony when she returned home how the curtains got ripped off the wall.
Roy took a few wobbly steps then braced himself against the vanity. Maes smirked a little. This was different. Usually he didn’t like taking Roy from the rear. He liked seeing the beauty of Roy’s face when it flushed with lust. However, now he could see that face reflected in silvered glass along with his own and it was somewhere between hot and creepy seeing himself. Roy’s hot breath frosted the glass as Maes caught his lover watching, too.
“You like looking,” Maes whispered in Roy’s ear, stroking the man’s cock. His finger circled the snake cock-ring where it entered Roy’s urethra.
Roy just leered at the mirror. “More,” he insisted.
Maes happily complied, thrusting hard and deep, Roy barely able to keep on his feet, his body tight against the vanity.
“Give it to me,” Roy begged.
Maes cinched an arm around Roy’s waist, a few thrusts more and Maes spilled into Roy. Steadying himself against Roy and the vanity, Maes took a moment to capture his breath. “Damn,” he murmured happily. Even as distressed and messed up as Roy’s head was right now, no matter how desperate Maes was to prove to Roy he was loved, sex with Roy never failed to be amazing.
“Uhhh, Maes, please. I need…” Roy trailed off, brushing back against Maes.
“Yes, I’m sure you do.” Maes smirked at the look on Roy’s face in the glass. He scooped Roy up, nearly dropping him on the bed. “I can just imagine the things you want me to do to you.”
“Don’t tease, damn you,” Roy ordered, lounging back, legs splayed.
Maes licked along Roy’s testicles, teasing him more, listening to the dirty talk spilling out of Roy’s mouth. What an imagination the man had. Slowly, making Roy groan loudly, Maes drew his tongue down over the tortured vein standing up on Roy’s cock, listening to the begging. Finally, Maes eased the cock-ring free, sucking the end of Roy’s member like a lollipop, whirling his tongue over the end. Salty, musky liquid coursed over his tongue. Maes sat back wiping his chin, grinning. He collapsed on the bed, entwining around Roy, drowsy in a very good way.
Roy regarded him with a strange, discomforting look. “Maes, you should have…”
Maes silenced Roy with a kiss. “What?” he asked when he surfaced for air. “Hurt you? Punished you? Don’t make me do that, Roy. I won’t be part of it.”
“You hit me on that train.” Roy sounded petulant as if he knew it was specious reasoning.
“Completely different,” Maes said and meant it. “We weren’t naked and you had it coming.”
Roy snorted. “So did you.” He snuggled closer to Maes. “I don’t want you to hurt me, not really.” He sighed, his breath warm against Maes’ flesh. “I’m just so messed up. How can any of you still love me?”
“You have to accept that we do.” Maes pressed a tender kiss between Roy’s eyebrows.
Roy snaked his arms tight around his lover, his expression lightening. “You know, Maes, my sister will purposely stay at her friend’s house for a few more hours.”
Maes murmured happily. “I know.”
“And my brother-in-law won’t get back until dinner.”
“So he said.”
“We have our own little world here.” Roy smiled. “When we get our second wind, I want to do it all again.”
Maes snorted. “I’m not surprised, you horny little pervert.”
“You love that about me.” Roy sucked on Maes’ voice box.
“Most definitely but won’t you really feel it tomorrow?”
“I don’t care.” Roy kissed Maes’ shoulder. “You’ll be here to baby me, just a little while longer. I’m taking advantage of it.”
Maes just laughed.
X X X
“Where is Maes?” Stephen asked, lounging on a chair with a bottle of beer in hand.
Roy shifted his own bottle between his hands. “At that jeweler in town, looking for something for Gracia. I need to do that, too, for Riza. Maes will take it to her for me.”
“Are you ready to tell me about what’s happened to Riza?” Bryony asked, resting her lemonade on her belly. Trepidation hid in the corners of her eyes.
“Riza saw what I did in Ishbal.” Roy’s voice cracked and shook. “Saw the horrors I made from her father’s alchemy. Teacher knew the potential, tried to tell me but neither I nor his daughter listened. I learned the fire array from Riza after he died. Teacher had tattooed it to her back.”
“Damn,” Stephen hissed, setting the bottle down.
“Riza and I made a promise, if I ever used my alchemy for tyranny or evil, she would kill me.” Roy winced at the deadness of his voice.
“Oh, Roy, no!” Bryony cried, almost lurching off the couch.
He held up a hand to her. Roy needed to get it all out before he choked. “You have to understand, Bryony, I could seize power in Amestris with a snap of my fingers. I could destroy Bradley and his main compound. It wouldn’t be all that difficult to do. It’s hard resisting the temptation. Riza will help me.” Roy sucked in a deep breath. “My promise to her is that I would never train anyone in Flame Alchemy. That’s the easy part. The hard part was Teacher made Riza’s skin his journal. He tattooed the secrets onto her entire back.”
“Shit.” Stephen reached out for his wife’s hand.
“I couldn’t remove the whole tattoo, not without killing her. Much of it is on my array glove anyhow but without the words, the thing that teaches how the array works, it’s useless. Riza made me…” Roy broke, covering his mouth. Tears rolled down his face. “Made me burn the words off, begged me to break the array. That’s why she’s in the hospital.” He shook hard. “I could have killed her.”
His family said nothing. Roy wanted them to say something, anything to keep him from feeling like the monster he knew he was. Maybe he had been too hasty in letting Maes escape his orbit. Roy needed Maes’ strength now since his own was buckling.
Bryony levered herself up and enveloped her brother, pulling him against her. “You poor man. Oh Roy, I don’t even know what to say. It’s all so horrible.”
“She’ll be all right, won’t she?” Stephen asked.
Roy nodded against Bryony’s belly. “The burns were just enough to remove what I had to. She’ll be scarred.” A faint tremor ran through him.
“I wish I could erase all the horrors from your memory, brother, but I can’t.” Bryony kissed the top of his head. “What can I do for you?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. Just as Roy felt himself drifting away on the river of agony running through him something ludicrous happened. He got kicked in the face once, twice then a third time. Pulling away from his sister, he looked up at her. “My nephew just kicked me in the head.”
“Your niece wants to hear you make happy sounds.” Bryony tried to smile through her own tears. She hiked up her shirt, revealing the tautness of her belly. Perfectly outlined was a tiny foot pressing out.
Roy couldn’t help the delighted bubble of sound that popped out of him. “Look at that.” He traced the foot and got kicked for it.
Bryony ran her fingers through her brother’s hair. “I wish you could have one of your own but…”
“I’m not likely to,” Roy whispered.
“You’re so very alone, Brother, and it hurts me most to know that. I can accept that they made you into this horrible weapon. I can pray that there’ll never be a war like that one again, even though I know that’s naïve. But what I can’t accept is knowing how alone you are. Even if Maes wasn’t assigned to a completely different place than you…”
“He and I always have to be discreet, secretive. Only here do we have a safe haven.” He looked up at his sister then over to his brother-in-law. “It’s a rare gift you’ve given us.” Roy got up, gently maneuvering past his sister. “And I’m sure that he’ll be asking Gracia to marry him, sooner rather than later and I’m happy for him, I truly am.”
“What about Riza? I understand that you might feel a little…odd about being with her after all that’s happened but it doesn’t sound like she’s going to turn you away, not if she plans on keeping you on the level,” Stephen set aside his beer.
Roy shook his head. “She also doesn’t plan to leave the military. Riza believes her place is at my side, protecting me, and she has done it well. If not for her, I would have come home in a body bag.”
“Maes said so,” Bryony said, her voice tight.
Roy went over and kissed her cheek. “But Riza is damn good and I’m fi…okay, not fine but I’m alive. And I’m also her superior officer. We’ve got our assignments, Maes will be going to Central. Riza is to be my adjutant in the East.”
“The East? But you’re the Hero of Ishbal, how can they be burying a bright star like you out there?” Stephen grumbled, obviously offended by that.
Roy smiled wryly. “Because the Fuhrer knows I’m a threat to him. I think he suspects too many decent people were pushed too far out there in the desert. He wants me out of the way…but promoted. I’m going to be a lieutenant colonel the next time you see me.”
“I’d say congratulations, brother, but…this promotion is just so he can send you to a forgotten place that needs someone of that rank, isn’t it?” Bryony asked.
“Oh yes.”
“Are you really a threat?” Stephen asked.
“Oh yes.” Roy chuckled grimly. “I have every intention of becoming Fuhrer with Maes and Riza’s help.”
“I thought you said Riza would shoot you if you grabbed for power,” Bryony reminded him, confusion in her eyes.
“Only if I did it using Alchemy. I have no intentions of doing that. I’m going to climb through the ranks. I’m already on my way up. It may take me a decade, maybe two but that’s all right. I’m too young for anyone to take me seriously now but in time, when I have the backing, I’ll make my move.” The angst drained out of Roy as he laid bare his plans to his family.
“I think this side of you frightens me just a little Roy,” his sister admitted.
“I’d be worried if it didn’t. It’s a very dangerous thing I’m proposing but if anyone got wind of what I just said, you can be sure the Fuhrer would have me killed. Right now, he just suspects I could be trouble. If he knew it for sure, I’d be dead.” Roy rolled his shoulders. “Also, confidentially, the general I’ll be working for out there is Grumman, Riza’s grandfather on her mother’s side. I’m not sure the Fuhrer knows that. Probably no one checked her lineage because if they had they wouldn’t send her there with me.”
Bryony caught him in another hug. “I’m not going to discourage you, Roy. I think it’s dangerous but you know that. So I’m going to wish you the best of luck but…are you sure you can’t convince Riza to quit?”
Roy leaned into her touch. “I wish I could. I can’t be with either of my lovers freely or openly. I hate that but that’s my reality.”
“Oh, how I wish it wasn’t.”
All three of them jumped a bit with the front door opened and Maes hesitated in the doorway. “Bad time?”
“No,” Roy said, waving him in. “Just telling them my grand plan, in case something happens to me.”
“Smart idea,” Maes said, a grim look on his face.
“You take care of my baby brother the best you can.” Bryony pointed a finger at Maes. “Which I know is a very tall order.”
Maes snorted. “Exceedingly.”
Roy started to reply with a curse but Bryony cupped a hand over his mouth.
“Be nice. I know you can’t just make yourself feel better, but can we talk happier things now?” she asked.
“I’d like that.” Roy turned to Maes. “Let’s see what you got for Gracia.”
“Ah, it’s beautiful. You need to get down there, Roy. They have so many neat things this time,” Maes said, unveiling his gift.
Roy let himself get carried away by Maes’ enthusiasm and Bryony’s relief at having something other than the grimness of his life to talk about. Only Stephen seemed to be still watching him with guarded eyes but Roy didn’t blame the man, not one bit.
X X X
Roy sighed softly, snuggling closer to his lover as he slept. Very soon someone else would be holding this man close while Roy would make his bed all alone. No matter how much time he and Riza could steal, they would always end up sleeping alone. He felt a small bone of jealousy sticking in his throat that Maes would have someone by his side then Roy swallowed it down. He might be jealous but moreover, he was happy for his lover. No one should have to be entirely alone.
Maes stirred, his eyes opening. He squinted nearsightedly at Roy in the dark. “You should be sleeping.”
“Mmmm, getting there. I’m just enjoying these last moments.”
Maes traced Roy’s cheek with his knuckle. “I don’t want it to end, either.”
Roy summoned up a smile, catching that finger with his lips. “It’s not ending. It’s just changing, growing.”
Maes shifted, his arms going around Roy. “I like the sound of that.”
So did Roy. It wasn’t perfect but it was what they had. He could be content with that.
A Boys Blue story #28
cornerofmadness (and mjules)Disclaimer – So not mine, all right belong to Hiromu Arakawa et al, no profit made, just a lot of fun to be had
Rating – NC-17 not work safe
Pairing – Roy/Maes (mentions of Roy/Riza and Maes/Gracia)
Time Line –pre-series, manga based, this one is set after they leave Ishbal but before they’re reassigned.
Summary – Back in the civilian world, Roy is suffering post traumatic stress.
Prompt – #8 our own world
Author’s Note – written for the
30kisses project for prompt #8 our own world and was – inspired by these lyrics and for the wild card of 'hurt/comfort' for kink_bingo If you’d like to read the rest of the series, here you go All the Boys Blues Thanks to evil_little_dog for the betaX X X
Leave and let me go
You're not meant for me, I know
Carry on, carry on, and I'll stay strong by Sissel & Espen Lind
Roy felt odd as he set his belongings down in his sister’s guest room. So much had changed in the many months since he had been here last that, when his brother-in-law had dropped the soldiers off, the cozy house didn’t feel like home. He wished his sister had been here to welcome them and not at the doctor’s office. Maybe Bryony would have done something to ease the tension.
He and Maes both looked at the bed, its lacey cover proving Bryony’s taste hadn’t changed. Roy could tell Maes was thinking the same thing: something was very different since the last time they had been here, a vast ocean of pain lapping between them. They weren’t naive cadets with nothing more than the freedom to have all the sex they wanted on their minds. Blood and sand had blasted away their innocence. Current girlfriends aside, he and Maes weren’t the same men who had slaked their limitless lust on this bed.
Maes glanced over at Roy. “You feel it, too.”
“That everything has changed.” He nodded slowly, sinking onto the bed. “We aren’t the same boys who were here a lifetime ago. They died in the desert.”
Maes put his big hand on Roy’s head. “Melodramatic to the end, my friend.”
“Am I wrong?” Roy’s eyes canted up.
“I want to say yes, you are but you’re not. It feels like a life time ago. We are very different men now,” Maes conceded.
Roy slipped his arms around Maes’ waist, resting his forehead against Maes’ belly. “Do you want to just go home? My sister will understand.”
The sudden pressure of Maes’ hand at the nape of his neck made Roy stand up. Maes leaned in and whispered, “Just try to get rid of me.” He nipped Roy’s earlobe. “I’ve changed but my feelings for you haven’t.”
“Why does it feel awkward then?” Roy buried his face in the crook of Maes’ neck.
“We haven’t been in a real house in months. We have lived like animals for so long.” Maes sighed, kissing Roy’s neck. “How do we go back to being human?”
“I’m very frightened by that, Maes.” Roy’s words were barely loud enough to be heard.
Maes ran a hand up Roy’s back. “We will become human again because we’re strong.”
Roy snorted, worming out of Maes’ grasp. He collapsed down on the bed, barely noticing Bryony had exchanged the squeaky box springs for a new set. “Not me, not anymore.”
Maes gazed at him. “You are. You made it out intact.”
“Have I?” Roy thought back to his suicide attempt. His gut twisted at the memory. “I’m not so sure.”
Maes captured Roy’s chin, bending down to kiss his friend. Roy could feel the strength in that kiss, trying to steal some for his own. “You’ll do fine. You have a new goal and if there’s anyone who can become Fuhrer and change this country, it’s you.”
Roy lay back on the bed, covering his eyes with an arm. “Not without you.”
“Well, I’m not going anywhere, buddy.” Maes sat on the bed next to Roy. Seeing the way Roy was a stretched out had hiked up the young man’s shirt, Maes tickled his fingers along the thin line of hair leading the way to pleasurable southern destinations. “Where would I be without my alchemy freak?”
Roy squirmed under him. “Quit tickling me!”
Swinging over Roy, Maes nipped Roy’s chin. “The one thing that hasn’t changed is I still want to screw your brains out.”
“Do you see me stopping you?” Roy lifted his hips against Maes’ and the larger man grinned. Just as Maes’ hoped, Mustang didn’t doubt, Roy’s melancholy was melting away.
Before Maes could do more than flex his hips back against Roy, the front door opened and shut. “Roy! Did you make it home?” Bryony’s voice bellowed up the stairs, all but knocking Maes off his perch.
“That’s my sister, always with the bad timing,” Roy grumbled, thankful he wasn’t hard yet.
“Better to hear her now than to have her walk in on us like last time,” Maes replied, rolling off the bed.
Roy snorted. “Once was enough, thanks.” He got up and headed downstairs. His whole attitude changed, seeing his sister, several months pregnant, standing at the base of the stairs. He brightened immensely. “Look at you, Bry!” Roy jogged down the stairs and gingerly hugged his sister. She wrapped her arms around him tight.
“I won’t break, Brother.” Bryony kissed his cheek. “I can’t believe you’re here. I was so afraid you were going to get killed out there in the desert.”
Roy swallowed hard, a wash of emotion swamping him as he let her go. “Me, too,” he murmured. “Don’t want to talk about that. Tell me about this.” He rested his hand on his sister’s bulging belly.
“You look beautiful, Bryony,” Maes added, giving her a hug.
She smiled at him. “Thank you. Why don’t we sit down and talk? Can I get you boys something?”
“We can fend for ourselves, Bry. You don’t have to wait on us,” Roy protested.
“I’m pregnant, Roy, not fragile.” Bryony laughed, taking her brother’s hand and dragging him into the flowery living room. He noticed the slate-topped cherry blossom end table he had bought for her was adorned with a beautiful crystal based lamp with a stained glass shade.
“Roy’s going to be a nervous uncle,” Maes said, following them.
“Naturally. My brother is a worry-wart,” Bryony replied, patting Roy’s back.
“You don’t have to tell me.” Maes snorted, chucking Roy’s shoulder. “He fretted over me in the desert like a mother hen. He even started equating me to stupid sidekicks in war movies, you know the ones who always get shot.”
“Five minutes and you two are already ganging up on me.” Roy sulked.
“That’s what family is for,” his sister assured him, squeezing his hand.
Roy grinned, happy to just be in the presence of family. He would have to tell his sister the things he had done in Ishbal but not yet. For now, let her still love him because she wouldn’t be able to once he confessed.
X X X
“You know, you could let Maes help.” Roy cast a longing glance toward the living room where Maes was stretched out on the couch, listening to a radio show while he, himself was in the kitchen rubbing seasoning into a chicken like a perverse massage.
“He’s a guest. You’re kin. You work,” Bryony replied, not looking up from the veggies she was chopping.
“This sucks,” Roy whined. At least the kitchen allowed him relief from the incessant femininity of his sister’s home. She had decorated it with cast iron trinkets.
“Just because I no longer have a lap doesn’t mean I can’t put you across it and paddle you like the brat you are,” Bryony teased, punctuating her words with a few chops of her long knife.
“Get that knife out of my fucking face,” Roy snarled in a voice so vicious Bryony’s face lost color.
“What?” She took a step back, not putting the knife on the cutting board.
“I said get the damn knife out of my face, bitch, or you’ll regret it,” Roy roared, his hand coming up, his bare fingers snapping loudly. Roy glanced at his hand, his face going slack. His whole body started shaking.
Bryony dropped the knife onto the cutting board. “Roy? Roy, what’s wrong?”
“What’s going on in here?” Maes frantically raced into the kitchen. He took one look at Roy, still staring at his hand.
“He suddenly freaked out about the vegetable chopper, then he snapped his fingers and went blank like that.” Bryony kept her distance from her brother, her arms crossed protectively over her belly.
“Killed her,” Roy mumbled, his teeth chattering so hard he was nearly impossible to understand. “I killed her.”
Maes took hold of Roy’s shoulders, shaking him gently. “No, you didn’t, buddy. Bryony is fine.”
Roy shook his head frantically. “Burned her.”
Maes folded Roy against his chest, dropping his chin down over Roy’s head protectively. “You aren’t wearing your gloves, Roy. You’re home now. No gloves, no one is hurt.”
Roy struggled viciously, breaking away from Maes. He banged out the kitchen door to the outside world and the loud sounds of him getting sick floated back to the house.
“Maes, what’s wrong?” Bryony’s voice trembled as she laid her fingers on Maes’ arm.
“Shell shock,” Maes replied grimly. “I don’t know how much you know about Roy’s alchemy, Bryony. He wears a static glove, it makes sparks. One snap of his fingers and he has enough flame to burn out a whole city block.” Maes’ head drooped, forcing him to shove his glasses up. “He’s killed hundreds, Bryony.”
Her face lost color even as her jaw set with resolve. She marched outside to where her brother was on all fours, hunched over her sidewalk border of marigolds. She tried to kneel and settled for plopping onto her padded backside. Bryony wrapped her arms tightly over his back. “I’m right here with you, Roy. You didn’t hurt me.”
“Could have,” he rasped, his voice raw from vomiting. “Killed thousands.” He leaned over and tried to vomit more, bringing up a thin stream of black-green-tinged mucus. “Murderer.”
“Soldier,” Bryony countered sharply. “And it doesn’t change that Maes and I love you, brother.”
“I killed my share, too…just not as splashily as you, Roy. I know it wasn’t easy for you. Death shouldn’t be easy,” Maes reached down, stroking Roy’s sweat-dampened hair. “That it makes you sick means you’re a decent human being.”
Roy chuckled grimly. “Could have killed my sister. How can I live with others when I go crazy over kitchen knives? At work I wear my gloves. What happens the next time something freaks me out?”
“You will get through this, Roy. How many Ishbalans tried to knife you? That first day we met back up in the desert, Hawkeye saved your ass from a knife attack. I can see why a knife would upset you,” Maes said placatingly.
“I’ll be confronted with knives more than once. I have to be able to withstand it. How?” Roy shook his head, then spat a little, trying to get the vomit taste out of his mouth.
“We’ll find a way,” Maes replied and Roy was glad he didn’t suggest a military psychiatrist, even if he might be thinking it. “You will heal.”
“Maes makes a lot of sense, dear heart.” Bryony rubbed Roy’s back. “Listen to him.”
“You wouldn’t call me that if you knew,” Roy grumbled.
“Nothing could make me not love you, brother.” Bryony’s voice was as soft as down. “You’re the hero of Ishbal to Amestris. I’m not a fool. I know that to the Ishbalans you’re no hero.”
“Butcher,” Roy sobbed, pulling away from her touch.
“Soldier,” she corrected again, not letting him escape. She pulled him tight against her. “And a well loved one.”
Roy wiped his face. “I can’t live without you and Maes. Riza, too, but she’s…” Roy started shaking.
“Don’t think about it, Roy,” Maes said, clamping a hand on Roy’s shoulder. “She’s recovering.”
“What happened to Riza?” Bryony looked sharply between the two men.
“She was hurt,” Maes replied when Roy couldn’t make himself speak.
Finally, Roy roused himself enough to take a good hard look at his sister. “You shouldn’t be sitting on the ground.”
“That doesn’t concern me.” She petted her large belly then smiled. “Getting up does.”
Maes reached down and helped her up. She gave his cheek a kiss. “Take care of my brother, Maes.”
“Always,” he promised. “Always.”
X X X
“Harder,” Roy groaned in a tone nearer to malice than lust. “Damn it, Maes.”
Maes pressed into his lover. Back pinned to the wall, Roy had his fingers fisted in the closed curtains, his legs locked over Maes’ back. “Not going to hurt you, Roy,” Maes gasped, knowing what Roy had been after all afternoon. He wanted rougher sex than Maes was willing to give. Roy just grunted at him as Maes thrust into him, refusing to give in to what Roy wanted; punishment for his perceived crimes.
Maes lifted Roy away from the wall. Little and skinny or not, Roy was getting heavy to hold and Maes didn’t want to explain to Bryony when she returned home how the curtains got ripped off the wall.
Roy took a few wobbly steps then braced himself against the vanity. Maes smirked a little. This was different. Usually he didn’t like taking Roy from the rear. He liked seeing the beauty of Roy’s face when it flushed with lust. However, now he could see that face reflected in silvered glass along with his own and it was somewhere between hot and creepy seeing himself. Roy’s hot breath frosted the glass as Maes caught his lover watching, too.
“You like looking,” Maes whispered in Roy’s ear, stroking the man’s cock. His finger circled the snake cock-ring where it entered Roy’s urethra.
Roy just leered at the mirror. “More,” he insisted.
Maes happily complied, thrusting hard and deep, Roy barely able to keep on his feet, his body tight against the vanity.
“Give it to me,” Roy begged.
Maes cinched an arm around Roy’s waist, a few thrusts more and Maes spilled into Roy. Steadying himself against Roy and the vanity, Maes took a moment to capture his breath. “Damn,” he murmured happily. Even as distressed and messed up as Roy’s head was right now, no matter how desperate Maes was to prove to Roy he was loved, sex with Roy never failed to be amazing.
“Uhhh, Maes, please. I need…” Roy trailed off, brushing back against Maes.
“Yes, I’m sure you do.” Maes smirked at the look on Roy’s face in the glass. He scooped Roy up, nearly dropping him on the bed. “I can just imagine the things you want me to do to you.”
“Don’t tease, damn you,” Roy ordered, lounging back, legs splayed.
Maes licked along Roy’s testicles, teasing him more, listening to the dirty talk spilling out of Roy’s mouth. What an imagination the man had. Slowly, making Roy groan loudly, Maes drew his tongue down over the tortured vein standing up on Roy’s cock, listening to the begging. Finally, Maes eased the cock-ring free, sucking the end of Roy’s member like a lollipop, whirling his tongue over the end. Salty, musky liquid coursed over his tongue. Maes sat back wiping his chin, grinning. He collapsed on the bed, entwining around Roy, drowsy in a very good way.
Roy regarded him with a strange, discomforting look. “Maes, you should have…”
Maes silenced Roy with a kiss. “What?” he asked when he surfaced for air. “Hurt you? Punished you? Don’t make me do that, Roy. I won’t be part of it.”
“You hit me on that train.” Roy sounded petulant as if he knew it was specious reasoning.
“Completely different,” Maes said and meant it. “We weren’t naked and you had it coming.”
Roy snorted. “So did you.” He snuggled closer to Maes. “I don’t want you to hurt me, not really.” He sighed, his breath warm against Maes’ flesh. “I’m just so messed up. How can any of you still love me?”
“You have to accept that we do.” Maes pressed a tender kiss between Roy’s eyebrows.
Roy snaked his arms tight around his lover, his expression lightening. “You know, Maes, my sister will purposely stay at her friend’s house for a few more hours.”
Maes murmured happily. “I know.”
“And my brother-in-law won’t get back until dinner.”
“So he said.”
“We have our own little world here.” Roy smiled. “When we get our second wind, I want to do it all again.”
Maes snorted. “I’m not surprised, you horny little pervert.”
“You love that about me.” Roy sucked on Maes’ voice box.
“Most definitely but won’t you really feel it tomorrow?”
“I don’t care.” Roy kissed Maes’ shoulder. “You’ll be here to baby me, just a little while longer. I’m taking advantage of it.”
Maes just laughed.
X X X
“Where is Maes?” Stephen asked, lounging on a chair with a bottle of beer in hand.
Roy shifted his own bottle between his hands. “At that jeweler in town, looking for something for Gracia. I need to do that, too, for Riza. Maes will take it to her for me.”
“Are you ready to tell me about what’s happened to Riza?” Bryony asked, resting her lemonade on her belly. Trepidation hid in the corners of her eyes.
“Riza saw what I did in Ishbal.” Roy’s voice cracked and shook. “Saw the horrors I made from her father’s alchemy. Teacher knew the potential, tried to tell me but neither I nor his daughter listened. I learned the fire array from Riza after he died. Teacher had tattooed it to her back.”
“Damn,” Stephen hissed, setting the bottle down.
“Riza and I made a promise, if I ever used my alchemy for tyranny or evil, she would kill me.” Roy winced at the deadness of his voice.
“Oh, Roy, no!” Bryony cried, almost lurching off the couch.
He held up a hand to her. Roy needed to get it all out before he choked. “You have to understand, Bryony, I could seize power in Amestris with a snap of my fingers. I could destroy Bradley and his main compound. It wouldn’t be all that difficult to do. It’s hard resisting the temptation. Riza will help me.” Roy sucked in a deep breath. “My promise to her is that I would never train anyone in Flame Alchemy. That’s the easy part. The hard part was Teacher made Riza’s skin his journal. He tattooed the secrets onto her entire back.”
“Shit.” Stephen reached out for his wife’s hand.
“I couldn’t remove the whole tattoo, not without killing her. Much of it is on my array glove anyhow but without the words, the thing that teaches how the array works, it’s useless. Riza made me…” Roy broke, covering his mouth. Tears rolled down his face. “Made me burn the words off, begged me to break the array. That’s why she’s in the hospital.” He shook hard. “I could have killed her.”
His family said nothing. Roy wanted them to say something, anything to keep him from feeling like the monster he knew he was. Maybe he had been too hasty in letting Maes escape his orbit. Roy needed Maes’ strength now since his own was buckling.
Bryony levered herself up and enveloped her brother, pulling him against her. “You poor man. Oh Roy, I don’t even know what to say. It’s all so horrible.”
“She’ll be all right, won’t she?” Stephen asked.
Roy nodded against Bryony’s belly. “The burns were just enough to remove what I had to. She’ll be scarred.” A faint tremor ran through him.
“I wish I could erase all the horrors from your memory, brother, but I can’t.” Bryony kissed the top of his head. “What can I do for you?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. Just as Roy felt himself drifting away on the river of agony running through him something ludicrous happened. He got kicked in the face once, twice then a third time. Pulling away from his sister, he looked up at her. “My nephew just kicked me in the head.”
“Your niece wants to hear you make happy sounds.” Bryony tried to smile through her own tears. She hiked up her shirt, revealing the tautness of her belly. Perfectly outlined was a tiny foot pressing out.
Roy couldn’t help the delighted bubble of sound that popped out of him. “Look at that.” He traced the foot and got kicked for it.
Bryony ran her fingers through her brother’s hair. “I wish you could have one of your own but…”
“I’m not likely to,” Roy whispered.
“You’re so very alone, Brother, and it hurts me most to know that. I can accept that they made you into this horrible weapon. I can pray that there’ll never be a war like that one again, even though I know that’s naïve. But what I can’t accept is knowing how alone you are. Even if Maes wasn’t assigned to a completely different place than you…”
“He and I always have to be discreet, secretive. Only here do we have a safe haven.” He looked up at his sister then over to his brother-in-law. “It’s a rare gift you’ve given us.” Roy got up, gently maneuvering past his sister. “And I’m sure that he’ll be asking Gracia to marry him, sooner rather than later and I’m happy for him, I truly am.”
“What about Riza? I understand that you might feel a little…odd about being with her after all that’s happened but it doesn’t sound like she’s going to turn you away, not if she plans on keeping you on the level,” Stephen set aside his beer.
Roy shook his head. “She also doesn’t plan to leave the military. Riza believes her place is at my side, protecting me, and she has done it well. If not for her, I would have come home in a body bag.”
“Maes said so,” Bryony said, her voice tight.
Roy went over and kissed her cheek. “But Riza is damn good and I’m fi…okay, not fine but I’m alive. And I’m also her superior officer. We’ve got our assignments, Maes will be going to Central. Riza is to be my adjutant in the East.”
“The East? But you’re the Hero of Ishbal, how can they be burying a bright star like you out there?” Stephen grumbled, obviously offended by that.
Roy smiled wryly. “Because the Fuhrer knows I’m a threat to him. I think he suspects too many decent people were pushed too far out there in the desert. He wants me out of the way…but promoted. I’m going to be a lieutenant colonel the next time you see me.”
“I’d say congratulations, brother, but…this promotion is just so he can send you to a forgotten place that needs someone of that rank, isn’t it?” Bryony asked.
“Oh yes.”
“Are you really a threat?” Stephen asked.
“Oh yes.” Roy chuckled grimly. “I have every intention of becoming Fuhrer with Maes and Riza’s help.”
“I thought you said Riza would shoot you if you grabbed for power,” Bryony reminded him, confusion in her eyes.
“Only if I did it using Alchemy. I have no intentions of doing that. I’m going to climb through the ranks. I’m already on my way up. It may take me a decade, maybe two but that’s all right. I’m too young for anyone to take me seriously now but in time, when I have the backing, I’ll make my move.” The angst drained out of Roy as he laid bare his plans to his family.
“I think this side of you frightens me just a little Roy,” his sister admitted.
“I’d be worried if it didn’t. It’s a very dangerous thing I’m proposing but if anyone got wind of what I just said, you can be sure the Fuhrer would have me killed. Right now, he just suspects I could be trouble. If he knew it for sure, I’d be dead.” Roy rolled his shoulders. “Also, confidentially, the general I’ll be working for out there is Grumman, Riza’s grandfather on her mother’s side. I’m not sure the Fuhrer knows that. Probably no one checked her lineage because if they had they wouldn’t send her there with me.”
Bryony caught him in another hug. “I’m not going to discourage you, Roy. I think it’s dangerous but you know that. So I’m going to wish you the best of luck but…are you sure you can’t convince Riza to quit?”
Roy leaned into her touch. “I wish I could. I can’t be with either of my lovers freely or openly. I hate that but that’s my reality.”
“Oh, how I wish it wasn’t.”
All three of them jumped a bit with the front door opened and Maes hesitated in the doorway. “Bad time?”
“No,” Roy said, waving him in. “Just telling them my grand plan, in case something happens to me.”
“Smart idea,” Maes said, a grim look on his face.
“You take care of my baby brother the best you can.” Bryony pointed a finger at Maes. “Which I know is a very tall order.”
Maes snorted. “Exceedingly.”
Roy started to reply with a curse but Bryony cupped a hand over his mouth.
“Be nice. I know you can’t just make yourself feel better, but can we talk happier things now?” she asked.
“I’d like that.” Roy turned to Maes. “Let’s see what you got for Gracia.”
“Ah, it’s beautiful. You need to get down there, Roy. They have so many neat things this time,” Maes said, unveiling his gift.
Roy let himself get carried away by Maes’ enthusiasm and Bryony’s relief at having something other than the grimness of his life to talk about. Only Stephen seemed to be still watching him with guarded eyes but Roy didn’t blame the man, not one bit.
X X X
Roy sighed softly, snuggling closer to his lover as he slept. Very soon someone else would be holding this man close while Roy would make his bed all alone. No matter how much time he and Riza could steal, they would always end up sleeping alone. He felt a small bone of jealousy sticking in his throat that Maes would have someone by his side then Roy swallowed it down. He might be jealous but moreover, he was happy for his lover. No one should have to be entirely alone.
Maes stirred, his eyes opening. He squinted nearsightedly at Roy in the dark. “You should be sleeping.”
“Mmmm, getting there. I’m just enjoying these last moments.”
Maes traced Roy’s cheek with his knuckle. “I don’t want it to end, either.”
Roy summoned up a smile, catching that finger with his lips. “It’s not ending. It’s just changing, growing.”
Maes shifted, his arms going around Roy. “I like the sound of that.”
So did Roy. It wasn’t perfect but it was what they had. He could be content with that.
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Date: 2008-05-26 02:43 am (UTC)poor roy. such a little angst muffin.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-26 02:52 am (UTC)he is so much angst that little love
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Date: 2008-05-26 03:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 11:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 09:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-28 02:18 am (UTC)Roy is an angst muffin