Fic Self Doubt

[cornerofmadness]

Self Doubt
Author – cornerofmadness
Disclaimer – not mine. All rights belong to Ms. Minekura.
Rating – NC-17
Pairing –Kougaiji/ Gojyo
Timeline – AU, no real spoilers for anything
Summary – Gojyo has doubts about his half breed nature
Author’s Note – Written for the fall addition of springkink for the prompt of Kougaiji/ Gojyo, AU Jien took Gojyo with him when he left - "You don't see the human in me." My big regret with this one is that this challenge is in the middle of nanowrimo. I would have loved more time to really get into this AU universe. It’s fascinating in its implications and I wanted to play longer but sadly I didn’t have that sort of time. The first thing my beta said was ‘this should have been one of your long ones’ or something to that effect. Speaking of which, thanks to evil_little_dog for the beta.

XXX

A shirt flapped against Gojyo’s face. The young man peeled it down, glaring back at his older brother who had flung it at him.

“Could you try, for at least one day, not to be such a slob?” Dokugakuji huffed, tossing a pair of pants after the shirt.

Gojyo deftly caught them. “That’s your thing, bro. Mine is lovin’ the ladies.”

Dokugakuji rolled his eyes. “Just clean your mess or I’ll be explaining to Kou why his favorite redheaded boy is now headless.”

Gojyo laughed and started pitching in. Most of it really was his mess. Jien…no Dokugakuji, he reminded himself. After all that happened with Mom, Gojyo understood his older brother’s desire to shed his past. Dokugakuji had taken him out of that house, with barely a look back at their dead, mad mother as they ran.

Life had been hard – something Gojyo had always blamed himself and his bloodlines for - until they met Prince Kougaiji. The prince had been impressed by Dokugakuji and hired him on. At the time, he didn’t have much interest in Gojyo. Times changed. Gojyo was one of Kou’s most trusted companions along with Dokugakuji and Yaone. Lately, they had become something more.

Gojyo felt puzzled by the changes. Logically, if anyone should concern himself with Gojyo’s half breed nature, it should be the prince. Yes, he and Kou shared the same gorgeous, flaming hair and drop dead good looks but there were unclimbable mountains of differences between them or so he would have thought. Kou ignored them with apparent ease. Gojyo wondered why he couldn’t do the same.

XXX

“Smells good in here.” Gojyo surreptitiously checked the lab table before leaning on it. The last time he had struck a pose in Yaone’s lab, the alchemist had been working on something that ate right through his best pants and into his skin.

She smiled, her teeth just peeking out from behind full lips. Damn, she had a nice smile. Correction. She had a nice everything except maybe dress sense. Still, she was highly resistant to his flirtation. He had finally given up seriously wooing her, thinking maybe she was his brother’s girl or maybe she was in love with Kou. Heaven help her since he wasn’t an easy person to love sometimes. That didn’t mean Gojyo gave up flirting with her entirely. That would just be silliness.

“Not everything I do is toxic, Gojyo. Sometimes I just like to putter with healing remedies or perfumes.” She held up a bag of coarse salt. “Or making bath salts. Lirin really likes these, not to mention Lady Gyokumen Koushou does as well,” Yaone added that with a hint of distaste.

Gojyo was pretty sure that if only the queen liked it, Yaone wouldn’t make them without a direct order. “Lirin? She seems a little tomboyish for this.”

“Some of the salt mixes help ease sore muscles. Lirin does manage to get herself hurt more often than not.”

“Sore muscles, eh? What can I trade you to get some for Kou?” Gojyo said, looking askance at her. Did Yaone know about him and Kou? She probably suspected. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings, just in case he might be right about her own affections in regard to Kougaiji. “It’s no fun sparring with him if he’s all tight.”

Her smile became even more generous and she put a bag of salts in his hand. “We can’t have that.”

Gojyo kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Yaone.” He tossed the bag up and caught it again, thinking of the possibilities.

XXX

Gojyo decided getting the salts from Yaone was one of his better ideas. They smelled good. The hot spring-fed tub big enough for four couldn’t be more inviting. Of course, Kou didn’t show any signs of noticing the attention to detail. Instead, he was rubbing, or more accurately trying to rub, a sore spot between his shoulders. Gojyo gave him a hand.

“You really surprised me with that move,” Kou said, his muscles relaxing under Gojyo’s strong fingers. “It was good.”

“Happy to surprise. Speaking of which, I got some stuff from Yaone. She claims it’ll take muscle pain out.” He pointed to the big tub. “Let’s try it out.”

Kou’s feathery’ red eyebrows arched. “Us?”

Gojyo’s hips swayed as he closed the space between, running a finger down Kou’s muscular belly. “Always better with two.”

Kougaiji’s deep chuckle echoed in the cavernous bath room. “You like proving that.”

Gojyo leaned in, licking the man’s neck. “Always.”

Stripping, Kou slipped into the tub first, leaning back. Gojyo took a moment to study the water lapping around the man’s golden tanned skin. Kougaiji was one of the most attractive, alluring lovers Gojyo had ever had. His flaming hair floated on the scented water as the prince beckoned to Gojyo with one clawed finger.

Gojyo got in carefully, trying not to make a mess for all the good it did him. Kougaiji pulled him against his body greedily, water sloshing. The prince’s mouth met his hungrily, his tongue sweeping across the roof of Gojyo’s palate. Kou wasted no time with teasing or foreplay, obviously in a mood to take. His calloused fingers rolled over Gojyo’s testicles, making the redhead moan into Kougaiji’s mouth. Gojyo sucked Kou’s earlobe, earring and all, into his mouth, his tongue playing with gold and flesh as Kou delicately ran a claw up the length of Gojyo’s just awakening penis.

Gojyo put a hand on Kougaiji’s chest, pushing back away from him. Gojyo rested against the lip of the tub, trying to calm down. Kou gave him a curious look.

“What’s wrong?” the prince asked, not reaching for him but Gojyo could tell he wanted to.

“Just need a minute.” Gojyo figured he was going to kick himself for this later. “Kou, do you ever think about what we’re doing?”

“What we’re doing generally takes less thought and more action.” Kou grinned, the hungry look never leaving his eyes.

Gojyo snorted. “You’re starting to sound like me. I didn’t mean the sex. I meant you and me being anything more than prince and underling. I don’t get this.” His hand flapped to take in their surroundings. “Why do you treat me like you do?”

“How do I treat you?” The tone said the prince was still in a playful mood, barely listening to Gojyo’s real meaning.

“Like an equal, more or less.”

Kougaiji looked honestly confused. “Why would I treat you otherwise? You’re my friend and my lover and before that, the bratty brother of one of my closest friends.”

“And I’m a mutt,” Gojyo said bitterly.

Kou leaned across the steaming water to catch Gojyo’s chin. “And I don’t care.”

“Maybe you should. You are a prince after all,” he replied stubbornly.

“And I get to decide what I should do, not you.” Kou smiled gently.

Gojyo sighed, moving to rest against Kougaiji. “You don't see the human in me.”

“No, I see it but I find it just make you more exotic and desirable. It’s not a detriment,” the prince argued, the pads of his fingers massaging Gojyo’s shoulder.

Gojyo kissed him, not needing to hear more. The truth in Kou’s words shone a light on the dark places inside Gojyo, scaring away his demons. He fluttered kisses over Kou’s collar bones as his partner’s strong fingers rubbed their way down his spine and over his hip.

Gojyo caught both of their cocks in one fist. He’d never admit it but Kou’s talons made him a little too nervous to allow the prince to do this. Water trickled through his fingers as Gojyo slowly started stroking their cocks together. Kou’s mouth met his again, tongues fencing as the prince’s hands toyed and teased Gojyo’s shoulders and back and belly.

Feeling his prize getting harder and heavier in his hands, his own dick sending waves of pleasure back with every brush stroke of his hand, Gojyo picked up his pace. He ringed his thumb over both heads, watching in delight as Kou’s head dipped back, his hair getting saturated with water. Gojyo loved the little sounds that bubbled out of Kou’s long throat, harmonized with Gojyo’s own moans until the inevitable splashy finish.

Getting out of the water messier than they went in, the warriors sponged off in the sink. Kou winced a bit as he did. “I don’t think Yaone’s concoction worked.”

“Well, we hardly gave it a good soak.” Gojyo laughed loudly.

“Good point.”

“Come on.” Gojyo’s hand splayed across Kougaiji’s back. “I’ll give you a nice back rub in bed.”

Kou grinned wickedly. “I like the sound of that.”

Gojyo followed him to his room. Maybe Kou really didn’t care about the human in him. Maybe it was okay that Gojyo still did, just a little. He was what he was, after all.


ETA - sorry it took so long to fix the bad cut. My dial up is utterly uncooperative tonight